Energy. You want more. You need more. But what can you do? You've only got one hand, for crying out loud, and that hand is busy fragging noobs while you sit in a hall, pwning others players. You can't simply get up to get another can - you'll lose your seat! - so where do you turn? A SINGLE NORMAL CAN IS NOT ENOUGH ENERGY!!?!
You turn, naturally, to a ridiculous one.
The Rockstar Original Triple Kick, to be specific, a can that boasts seven hundred and ten millilitres of delicious fluid, into which you could fit 2.84 standard 250mL cans - yup, that's 710mL of energy drink. If you've been keeping up with my other energy drink escapades you might notice that this is quite frankly a ridiculous amount of drink, and in terms of volume, it's enough to fully reanimate a corpse.
It's actually quite similar to the bottle of NOS I picked up earlier in the year in Vegas, with the added advantage of being bought from a local supermarket for the princely on-sale sum of four bucks (though it is $5.50 usually). This leviathan-esque can is so huge that it technically contains two servings of drink, an interesting legal loophole that allows it to be sold in our market.
To that end it's resealable with an aluminium cap, which locks in the rest of that dangerous brew. Rockstar reckon you should only drink 500mL per day, which they meekly mention below the nutrition panel, but they seem to forget that people are human - generally humans like to finish the entire thing in one sitting.
You might be wondering what exactly is contained within this capsule of caffeine, so to allay your interest I had a peek at the panel itself. Each 355mL serving of the drink delivers 113.6mg of caffeine alongside 1420mg of Taurine, and a whopping 48.6g of sugar. Bumping that up to the 500mL max that the can tries to enforce brings the ingredient total to the maximum legally-allowable daily limit in Australia of 160mg of caffeine, and a heart-palpitating serving of Taurine to the tune of 2000mg.
If you're mad enough (man enough?) to finish the can in a single day and completely ignore all these safety warnings, that means you'll be ingesting a mammoth 227.2mg of caffeine, 2840mg of Taurine, and 97.2g of sugar, in addition to 71g of Gurana seed extract, another 71g of inositol (an artificially generated sweetener otherwise known as cyclohexane, or C6H12O6), and in total, the entire can provides 1782kJ of sheer chemical energy - enough to boil almost 800mL of water from room temperature.
And I can rest easy knowing I'm getting 0.000002% of Cyanobalamin.
So knowing this drink is enough to seriously mess some shit up, I twisted its metal cap off with a surprising POP, then went tumbling down the rabbit hole...